You're needy and distracted,
And your speech is so protracted
It sounds like you never know what to say
Until you've said it.
Then you regret it,
And we're back to square one,
With your apologies,
And silly laugh, and drifting eyes,
And that speech impediment
You call an accent.

You're sulky and defensive,
And you'd probably pass for pensive
If you were smart enough to have a clue
What pensive meant.
Well, I'd relent
And stop telling you these things
That you don't want to hear,
But I'm your friend and we both know
That plain girls don't get anywhere
With just their smile.

You need a make-up artist
(they'd have to be an artist)
To do something with your face.
You know you really shouldn't frown,
Everyone looks worse with their head hung down,
And you know I only ever mean
What I say
When I'm laughing
To take the sting of truth away.
I tell you I love you that way,
Shaking close to tears,
And Plato would be proud of me,
If he could see my soul instead of you.

You're kindly and contented,
And you're always sweetly scented,
And you're always, always, always around
With your cigarettes
And silly bets
On things bore us
Without a forfeit in the wind
To let us all pretend
That we don't have a free run
Of this boring world.

I'm honest and loquacious -
I've got a way with words -
I get my way with words,
And keep on talking
Until I'm back to square one,
With my apologies,
And honest laugh, and solemn jokes,
And that speech impediment
You call not knowing
When I should shut up.


by Matt